


Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

by skintightsocks



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M, Pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:17:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintightsocks/pseuds/skintightsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a week and Santana still can't figure out if she hates or loves Brittany for putting the idea of strapping one on and fucking Kurt Hummel in her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Set in S1, post-Laryngitis. Title is from the song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper.

  
"Do you ever think," Brittany says as she's kissing down Santana's neck, "about Kurt and Finn doing it?"

"No," Santana says, even though duh, of course she does. "You have something to do, stop distracting yourself."

"No, but like," Brittany says, pulling back and sitting on her knees, looking at Santana curiously. "You know how you get lonely and so then we have sex? Do you think that any of the guys ever get lonely and then have sex with Kurt?"

Santana sighs, straightening her uniform top and sitting up against Brittany's headboard. "Probably not," she says, "but if anyone ever did, my money's on Puck."

"I can see that," Brittany says. "I bet Puck would want to do really dirty stuff with Kurt."

"Yeah, probably," Santana says. "He's forever looking up gross sex stuff on Wikipedia and trying to get me to try it."

"Is that why he asked me if I wanted to wear a Cosby sweater?" Brittany asks. "I didn't know what he meant, so I said no like you told me to, but then I looked it up and wasn't sure which kind he wanted me to wear, the puke kind or the ugly kind."

"Eww to both," Santana says, wrinkling her nose. "Let's stop talking about Puck, you're killing my lady boner."

"Okay," Brittany says, straddling Santana. "What about Finn?"

"I don't know if Finn would even understand how it works," Santana says, running her hands up Brittany's thighs. "Kurt would probably have to ride him. That'd be hot, though, Finn's a giant."

"He is really tall." Brittany shifts her hips forward a little. "I think Mike Chang would make tender love to Kurt," she says softly as Santana slides her fingers under Brittany's skirt.

"Tender love?" Santana says, drumming her fingers against Brittany's hips. "Really?"

"Mike Chang has the soul of a poet," Brittany says, trying to push her hips forward against Santana's fingers. "He told me that once when I was helping him work out a dance move, and then he lifted me over his head. He's super strong."

"Really? Maybe he could hold Kurt against a wall," Santana muses, edging her fingers under Brittany's briefs. "That would be kind of hot."

"Totally," Brittany nods in agreement. "Tina told me that Artie said that sometimes people who can't use their legs have sex on swings. I don't understand how that would work, because you have to use your legs to push off on the swings. But maybe Kurt and Artie would have sex in the park, then."

"Oh, honey," Santana says. "That's not what he meant."

"Jesse would probably do it doggystyle and he wouldn't cuddle afterward," Brittany says shakily as Santana brushes her fingers over Brittany's clit.

"While looking in a mirror, probably," Santana laughs. Jesse totally seems the type. Santana would still hit that, though, even if he does turn out to be evil. Actually, that kind of makes her want him more. Too bad he's attached to that hobbit Berry's hip.

"That's sad, Kurt deserves cuddles," Brittany says, shifting her hips against Santana's fingers. "He's a really good kisser and his hands are soft like a baby's."

"That's nice," Santana says, because she's bored now and she'd like to get back to the part where she gets to have an orgasm. She trails her fingers down, pushing two inside of Brittany and grinning when she gasps.

"You know how you have that lady penis sometimes?" Brittany gasps.

"I have asked you repeatedly to just call it a strap-on, Brit," Santana says. "Why, do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes," Brittany groans. "But also I was thinking, and you could fuck Kurt with your lady penis, couldn't you? It wouldn't matter that you're a girl, because you'd have boy parts too."

It takes a second, but then Santana stops thinking about fucking Brittany and processes what Brittany said, and. _Oh_. She totally could. "You are absolutely right," Santana says, twisting her fingers inside of Brittany and rubbing at Brittany's clit with her thumb, just the way Brittany likes.

"Awesome," Brittany says breathlessly, pushing her hips forward and moving against Santana's hand faster and faster. "That's the first time you've ever said that to me," she sighs happily, going tight around Santana's fingers as she comes.

-

It's been a week and Santana still can't figure out if she hates or loves Brittany for putting the idea of strapping one on and fucking Kurt Hummel in her head. Because now it's kind of _all_ she can think about. She can't stop staring at his ass during dance numbers and Cheerio practice is like one long, drawn out, surprisingly sexual hell. She doesn't know when Kurt got so tall and slender, or when he started moving his hips like that, but Santana is definitely into it, and she can't lie: fucking a guy in the ass is one of the few sexual frontiers she hasn't explored, and now she has... wanderlust. Stupid Brittany.

Usually Santana would walk up to the guy she wants to do the nasty with and he'd be tripping over himself at the opportunity, but Hummel is different. Santana could pull every trick she had and Kurt still wouldn't bat an eye in her direction because of the whole tragically limiting not-into-girls thing. Santana needs to find a way to lure him into her bedroom so she can seduce him via purple dildo, and the perfect opportunity just so happens to arise when Kurt absent-mindedly compliments Santana's Chanel Rouge Allure Laque during glee.

"Thanks," she says, "it's called Dragon. I totally swiped the last one from some soccer mom at Macy's last weekend."

"Isn't that the best feeling?" Kurt sighs.

"Hey Hummel," Santana says, doing her very best to keep her grin from slipping too firmly into seduction mode. "Why don't we ever hang out?"

"Because we don't like each other," Kurt says.

"Well yeah, that," Santana says dismissively. "But now you're a Cheerio, so I'm allowed to be seen with you in public. We should go shopping after rehearsal."

"Can't," Kurt says. "I just blew all my money on an awesome McQueen sweater. I got it at a crazy discount because there's a dropped stitch in the hem, but it was still expensive."

"Did I mention," Santana says, "that we'd be going shopping with my dad's credit card? That I'm allowed to use without question as long as I don't get knocked up?"

Kurt raises an eyebrow.

"Whatever," Santana shrugs. "So maybe I told him the tragic story of how Quinn was a total moron and got knocked up and now her life is ruined, and reminded him how awesome I was in comparison. There's no shame in that."

Kurt looks at her for a second, both of them ignoring Quinn's outraged noise, and then asks, "What do you get out of this?"

"You're gay," Santana says. "It means you're genetically predisposed to have awesome taste in fashion. You make sure I look hot, I throw a few lady sweaters your way. Win-win."

"I feel compelled to point out your offensive stereotyping," Kurt says, "but seeing as it's totally true in my case, I'll let it slide. I could use some new sweaters."

"Excellent," Santana says with a grin.

-

Santana walks slow enough up the stairs to her room so Kurt can keep up, weighed down with shopping bags and staring with wide eyes at Santana's house. Santana doesn't usually bring boys back to her house, so she finds Kurt's awe weirdly endearing.

"I didn't know houses this nice existed in Lima," Kurt says, dropping all the bags on his arms next to her bed. "Why on earth do you go to McKinley?"

"Being trapped in an uptight and probably religious school full of girls? Even I'm not that big of a lesbian," Santana scoffs.

"Well this is... dark," Kurt says, looking curiously around Santana's room.

"Just like my soul," Santana says, and Kurt rolls his eyes, poking through the bags.

"All in all," he says, "that was a rather productive day of shopping with someone else's money."

"It's totally the best way to shop," Santana says, snatching her new Calvin Klein dress from Kurt's hands and stripping her uniform off.

"Um," Kurt says. "Hi. Still in the room."

"Why is that a problem?" Santana asks, smirking at Kurt over her shoulder as she reaches back to unclasp her bra. "Do you like what you see? You wouldn't be the first guy to have a sexuality crisis over my hot ass, there's no shame."

"Please," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. "I just forgot who I was talking to for a minute and mistakenly thought you might have some modesty."

"Modesty is for fat girls and virgins," Santana says, shrugging her bra off. "I'm neither," she adds, turning around and grinning when Kurt's cheeks flush a little at the sight of her chest.

"They're great, right?" Santana says, cupping her boobs and pushing them up a little. She's not usually this big of an exhibitionist but Kurt's embarrassment is kind of fun. "I'm thinking I could go up a size or two, though," she says mostly to herself. "My birthday's coming up, I should ask dad."

"You should try on your dress," Kurt says, clearly uncomfortable.

"Oh Kurt," Santana says, stepping over the pile of bags and settling herself on Kurt's lap. "There's no need to be shy. I've decided I like you. I plan to marry rich and old and live fabulously until the geezer croaks and I gets my money, and as such I'm going to need a whole _team_ of gays to advise me. Don't tell me you don't have dreams of giving fabulous gay advice to the rich and famous some day, so we can have a mutually beneficial relationship." She trails her finger up Kurt's chest and neck, skimming it over his lips and then tapping him on the end of the nose. "I'll be your training wheels."

"And I'll be your training bra," Kurt says archly.

"Ooh," Santana says, grinning. "Kitty's got claws. I love it."

"Go try on your dress, Santana," Kurt says, pushing her off of his lap.

"Fine, fine," Santana says, slipping the dress over her head and heading for her closet. "I have the perfect shoes for this," she says over her shoulder. "I also have some other accessories I've been meaning to show you."

"I do love a good bag," Kurt says, and he's in the middle of rummaging through a shopping bag when Santana turns around, so it takes him a second to notice the harness that's dangling from Santana's finger, her purple dildo bobbing from the front.

"What," Kurt squeaks when he looks up. "What is that."

"You, of all people, should know," Santana says.

"Of course I know," Kurt hisses, "but why do you-- why are you showing me that?"

"Because we're friends now, remember?" Santana says, stepping closer to the bed. "We're helping each other out, right? I've had sex with, like, everyone," Santana explains, slinking closer. "Boys and girls are old news. The only thing I _haven't_ really done is fuck a guy. And I'm pretty sure I get bonus points for an actual gay." Santana is finally close enough to drop back down into Kurt's lap. "So see, it makes perfect sense. I need help. You need help..."

"How exactly," Kurt says, "will you... doing _that_ help me out?"

"Oh come on, virgin, like you're not desperate for it," Santana says. "The only thing smaller than the minds in this town is the average dick size, trust me. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just two friends, helping each other out."

"Santana," Kurt says, squirming uncomfortably beneath her. "That still doesn't mean-- I'm _gay_ , I can just wait until I get to college, okay."

"Oh please," Santana says, not-so-subtly spinning the harness on her finger until the dildo is in her hand. "Do you even know what it's like to touch a dick that's not yours?" she asks, stroking over the dildo. "Do you really want to be a fumbling virgin the first time you actually get some dick? Trust me, I've been there, it's never good."

"I'm sure that when I lose my virginity, _to a guy_ ," Kurt says pointedly, "he'll be perfectly fine with it."

"Wrong," Santana says. "Virgins are no fun. It's all, 'Santana, I don't know where to put it! Santana, wait, what are you doing? Why do you keep putting your hand over my mouth?' Seriously, word of advice, I know you have that crush and all but I so do not recommend sleeping with Finn. He's well-equipped, sure, and he makes some pretty interesting noises, but he's all hands and fumbling and coming in like two seconds."

Kurt's eyes go wide, and he pushes at her shoulders until she stumbles backward off his lap. "Just. No," Kurt says, his voice even higher than usual as he rummages through the bags on the floor, grabbing the sweaters and scarves Santana bought him at the mall. "Just shut up and stop trying to molest me," Kurt says, going for huffy but landing somewhere around nervous. He's holding the sweaters in front of himself, and there's a little bit of sweat dotting his forehead, and-- _oh_. Oh.

Santana walks forward quickly, before he has a chance to move, and grabs his dick through his pants. Kurt's at least half hard under her palm, and Santana raises an eyebrow. "Oh _really_?" she says.

"No!" Kurt yelps, jumping back and darting past her toward the door. "No really. There is no really. You keep your purple penis away from me," Kurt says, turning on his heel and pretty much running out of Santana's bedroom and down the steps. She hears Kurt's Navigator start under her window a minute or so later and sighs, flopping backward onto her bed. This is going to be harder than she thought. Stupid uptight Hummel.

-

Kurt avoids her for a full week before Santana decides that waiting him out isn't going to work. She needs to call in some reinforcements. The original plan had been to fuck Hummel after their shopping trip, which would ensure he was gagging for it and would practically beg her to let Brittany have a turn too, but clearly it was time to adapt.

"Brittany," Santana says, sliding up beside her after Cheerio practice and linking their pinkies together. "Do you have motocross tonight?"

"No, tonight I'm vacuuming my cat and washing my carpet," Brittany says.

"Don't you mean that the other way around?"

"No," Brittany says, blinking at her. "Why would I?"

"Never mind," Santana sighs. "Can that wait? Your parents are still on that cult cruise, right?"

"It's not a cult, it's a community," Brittany says, parroting a phrase Santana has heard from Brittany's mom _way_ too often. She's really got to stay on top of making sure Brittany actually graduates high school before they end up moving her to some commune where she has to wear handwoven dresses and drink kool-aid and stuff.

"Whatever," she says, shaking her head and snapping herself out of it. "How about we take Kurt back to your place tonight. We have to tell him it's for makeovers, though, because he's afraid of my lady pe-- my strap-on," Santana explains to Brittany. "But once he's there, we can convince him, right?"

"Totally," Brittany nods. "Your lady penis is really nice, I don't know why Kurt's scared of it. It doesn't even spit on you like the real ones."

Santana rolls her eyes fondly and squeezes her pinkie around Brittany's, leading her back into the locker room where she knows Kurt will still be in front of the mirror.

"Hummel," Santana says as they approach.

Kurt yelps, jumping and nearly spilling his astringent.

"Don't be scared, Kurt," Brittany says kindly. "We just want you to give us makeovers."

"I'm not that stupid," Kurt huffs, tossing his cotton ball into the trash and putting his post-practice skincare necessities back into his bag. "I know this is a trap."

"Why would you think that?" Santana asks innocently.

"Oh, I don't know, _everything about you_ , for a start," Kurt says. "And that's not even taking into account you _molesting_ me in your room last week."

"Don't be so dramatic, princess," Santana snaps. "Have you ever _seen_ Brittany's idea of skincare? She washes her face with soap, Kurt. _Soap_."

"I do," Brittany says.

"The only reason her skin looks this good is genetics," Santana says sadly. "It's so unfair."

"Oh my gosh, you can't be serious," Kurt blurts out, looking critically at Brittany's face. "She can't do that, she already has light-pattern dryness on her forehead from all the ponytails and that soap is going to drain her of any moisture she has left."

"I know," Santana says. "That's why we came to you. I'm good, but let's face it. You're the master."

"Oh, fine," Kurt sighs. "I still don't believe this isn't a trap, but I can't let this kind of skincare injustice fly."

"Excellent." Santana says. "Come on then, but you take the backseat. My girl rides shotgun." Brittany nods happily and smiles at Santana, sweet and trusting, and Santana smiles back fondly before she catches herself. It's just Hummel, sure, but Santana likes to keep her game face on.

"As if there's any universe in which I wouldn't take my own car," Kurt says. "I'm not getting trapped in your kinky sex den. Besides, I have to stop by my place first for supplies."

"Fine," Santana says, rolling her eyes. "We'll follow you to yours then you can follow us to Brit's."

-

"This is my room," Brittany says excitedly when Kurt walks through the door.

"It's very, um... you," Kurt says, looking around Brittany's room.

"And it's _awesome_ , right?" Santana says, glaring at Kurt. Brittany loves her room, she decorated it herself.

"Completely," Kurt says, his expression slightly pained.

"Cool," Brittany says. "I'd introduce you to my cat, but I think he's having his weekly poker game in the basement."

"Sure he is, Brit," Santana says, leading her over to the mirror. Santana's still not entirely sure Brittany actually has a cat. She spends half her time over here and she's never seen him. "Why don't you and Kurt get started," Santana says, "while I go fix my hair in the bathroom."

"'Kay," Brittany says. "But your hair looks awesome."

"Thanks, babe," Santana says, kissing her forehead before she grabs her bag and heads for the bathroom.

"You should totally give me another facial," Brittany says as Santana unzips her bag. "Sometimes you giving me facials is all I can think about."

"Maybe don't say that in public," Kurt tells her, and Santana snorts quietly as she shuts the door.

Santana gives herself the once over in the mirror and she is, as usual, looking fine as fuck. She blows herself a kiss and then pulls out the harness and her dildo. Santana tugs her cheerleading briefs down and considers taking her underwear off too, but she figures she should keep them on. Princess Prude is going to take enough convincing, she doesn't want to throw too much vagina at him at once.

Santana tightens her ponytail before reaching for the dildo, sliding it into the little ring and then snapping it into place. She steps into the harness and buckles it around her waist, swiveling her hips and grinning a little. Whatever, Hummel would be crazy not to want to get with this.

Santana tucks the head of the dildo under the waist of her skirt and opens the door to see Kurt rubbing cream into Brittany's face. "Kurt's teaching me new ways to use my fingers," Brittany tells her. "It's awesome."

"I thought you already knew all the ways," Santana says, pressing herself against Kurt's back and leaning over his shoulder. She's careful to keep her hips tilted back so Kurt can't feel the dildo just yet, and she grins when Brittany looks up at her expectantly. Kurt's kind of frozen, his fingers still on Brittany's jaw as Brittany leans in over his shoulder to kiss Santana.

"Don't worry," Brittany says against Santana's lips, "you're still my favorite teacher." Santana leans into Kurt a little more, resting a hand on his shoulder for balance so she can press closer and kiss Brittany more deeply.

"You two do realize this is entirely lost on me, right?" Kurt says, his voice strained and nervous.

"You're not lost," Brittany says sweetly, turning her head and kissing Kurt on the cheek. "You're right here."

"Not what I meant, Brittany," Kurt says as Santana tilts Brittany's head back toward her. She bites down on Brittany's lip and Brittany moans a little and rocks forward, just the way she always does, and Kurt's voice is noticeably higher when he says, "No, really, I'm still here, and still very much not interested in--"

Santana pulls back, smiling a little when Brittany pouts at her. "Yeah, we get it, Hummel, you're a giant gay. But I doubt _this_ will be lost on you." Santana trails her hand from his shoulder down to his waist, tugging Kurt back a little until he's pressed up against her, the dildo under her skirt poking somewhere near his ass - near enough, anyway, that Kurt yelps and tries to jump back before he realizes Santana's hand is still on his waist, holding him in place.

"Um."

"That's her lady penis," Brittany says. "It's awesome. And purple."

"I know that," Kurt says, still trapped stiffly between them. "But it doesn't concern me."

"Sure it does," Brittany says, dipping her fingers into a jar and starting to rub something green and lumpy on her face. "She's gonna put it in you. Hey, is this scrubby stuff supposed to burn?"

Kurt doesn't answer, he just kind of squeaks, but Santana can see his face in the mirror, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide as Santana rubs the dildo against his ass. "Come on, Hummel," she says, "aren't you the least bit curious?"

"Am I bleeding?" Brittany asks, sounding a little panicked.

"No," Kurt says, but Santana doesn't know if he's talking to her or Brittany, so she slides her hand around his waist and grabs at his dick.

"I knew it," Santana says, because Kurt is starting to get hard.

"Shut up, Santana," Kurt hisses. "It's a natural reaction to... stimuli. Even if that stimuli happens to be coming from a crazy person with a purple dildo."

"No, really," Brittany says, "my face feels like _fire_. You guys, I need help."

"Oh, fine," Santana sighs, letting go of Kurt's dick and stepping back so Brittany can get to the bathroom. "Go help Brittany get that gunk off of her face," Santana tells Kurt. "If you messed with perfection, I will end your pathetic virgin life."

-

"That was scary," Brittany says later, sitting on the edge of the tub in her bra and Cheerio skirt. "Kurt, why did you bring fire?"

"It's not supposed to burn," Kurt says, patting at her face with a towel. "But you're not supposed to use it over beta-hydroxy cream."

"So are we sure her face isn't going to melt off, then?" Santana asks. "I'm bored now." She's been sitting on the lid of the toilet for like ten minutes now, idly stroking at the dildo while she watched Kurt wash Brittany's face. Kurt keeps glancing at her in the mirror, though, his eyes fixing on the dildo before he realizes what he's doing and they snap back. "I think we all know that there's much more fun things we could be doing."

"Santana," Kurt sighs, standing up and tossing the towel he'd been using into the sink. "It's not happening."

"Why not?" Santana asks, grinning pointedly as Kurt's eyes follow the movement on her hand where she's stroking the dildo.

"Because it's completely crazy," Kurt huffs.

"Oh come on," Santana says, standing up and backing Kurt in against the sink. "Aren't you curious?" She grabs Kurt's hand and leads it down to the dildo. "I saw you watching. Don't you want to know what it's like?"

"But it's not-- I should wait. For someone I care about."

"Maybe if this was, like, the fifties or some shit," Santana says, rolling her eyes and pressing her hips up so the dildo thrusts up into Kurt's hand. Kurt makes a startled noise. "It doesn't have to mean anything," she says softly. "Your first time with someone else will still be your first time, and it will be beautiful and magical and you'll hear music and see fireworks and all that jazz."

"Or they'll just sweat on you and it will last a minute and they'll cry after and talk about their mom," Brittany adds. "Sometimes it happens that way too."

"She's not kidding," Santana says. "Come on, Kurt," she purrs into his ear as Kurt nervously squeezes at the dildo. "Think of it as a practice run. There's no pressure, no embarrassment, no fragile feelings to be hurt. It's just us girls, right?"

"Is this some kind of joke?" Kurt asks quietly. "Because if you're doing this to humiliate me and as soon as you get my pants off the entire football team busts through the door, I want to know now."

"Easy, tiger," Santana laughs, pulling back a little. "How about you take my dick before you go arranging a gangbang, okay?"

"That's not what--" Kurt stutters out, blushing, and Santana smiles softly at him, unable to help the weird, fond feeling she has. Who knew she was a sucker for cute, gay virgins?

"I know, Kurt," she says. "It was a joke. I promise, the only ulterior motive I have is that I want to fuck you, and so does Brit, and I like to give her what she wants, okay?"

"And there are no cameras anywhere?" Kurt asks, his eyes darting around.

"No," Santana says. "Actually, shit. That would have been an awesome idea."

"Huh. I believe you," Kurt says, sounding a little amazed. "You sound way too genuinely disappointed about that."

"So come on, Kurt," Santana says, taking his hand and pulling him back into the bedroom. "No ulterior motives. Just dick."

"Glittery, purple dick," Kurt says a little miserably, but he lets Santana push him toward Brittany's bed anyway.

"It's not glittery," Santana says, sliding out of her skirt and smiling over her shoulder at Brittany when Brittany moves to unzip her top for her. "It's shimmery. I'd expect you to know the difference."

"More stereotypes," Kurt says, fidgeting nervously with the edge of Brittany's pillow.

"Don't be scared, Kurt," Brittany says, sitting down beside him and resting her head on Kurt's shoulder. "Santana, when Kurt and I made out, he asked me what boys' lips tasted like. Maybe we should tell him about boy penises."

"Those are just called penises, babe," Santana says, reaching back to unhook her bra clasp and let the bra fall to the floor. "But that's not a bad idea."

"And also you should touch her boobs," Brittany says, kissing Kurt's cheek. Santana bursts out laughing at the expression on Kurt's face.

"Um. I'd really rather not, thank you," Kurt mumbles, blushing a little, and Brittany gives Kurt a confused look.

"No, you don't understand," Brittany insists. "Boobs are the best. They're so soft, like pillows with nipples. Don't be afraid."

"Can we just-- if we're gonna do this, let's just hurry up already," Kurt sighs.

"Whoa," Brittany says after a second. "You sound just like a real boy."

"He is a real boy, Brit," Santana says, crawling onto the bed and nudging Kurt up toward the pillows. "Would you like that?" she asks Kurt, hovering over him before she lowers her hips and presses the dildo against the front of his pants. "Because I can do that. I can tell you all about what Finn Hudson is like in bed. I mean, it's pretty disappointing. But if that's what gets you off."

Kurt groans a little, turning his head away from Santana like that's going to keep her from noticing the way he's blushing. "He has big hands, though," Santana whispers in his ear. "I bet he could learn to be pretty good with his mouth, too, if he had the proper instruction. I just don't have time to train virgins right now."

"What is this, then?" Kurt asks, clearly trying to sound as superior as ever even though Santana can hear the hitch in his voice and feel the way his hips are twitching up a little against the dildo.

"You're a special case," Santana says, leaning down and kissing Kurt softly.

"Maybe he wants to hear about someone else," Brittany offers. "One time, Puck asked me to gag him with one of his jock straps."

"Oh no," Kurt says quickly. "No, no, no, Brittany, hon, that's fine. You don't need to share anything else about that, okay?"

Santana laughs, grinding her hips down against Kurt a little, and Kurt rolls his eyes before letting his hips jerk up, a little groan leaving his mouth. "Remember that Kenneth Cole jacket we saw at the mall?" he asks breathlessly.

"Of course," Santana says, because Kurt had admittedly looked hot in that.

"We're going back for that," Kurt says. "You owe me."

"Already exchanging sex for goods!" Santana says happily. "I'm so proud of you, Hummel."

"Shut up," Kurt says, tilting his head back and rubbing his hips up against the dildo. "This will be easier if you don't talk."

"Oh, I don't think that's true," Santana says. "I think you _like_ it when I talk. When I tell you all about what it's like to be with a guy."

"We should show him," Brittany says. "I'm really good at sucking Santana's lady penis, Kurt. Like, really good."

"She's not lying," Santana says, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. "C'mere." Kurt follows hesitantly as Santana spreads her legs and Brittany drops to her knees on the floor. "Show him, Brittany," Santana says, petting at Brittany's hair as she licks up the side of the dildo and then sinks her mouth around it.

"Oh," Kurt says, his eyes wide as he stares at Brittany. "Okay."

"You should come see," Brittany says, pulling off the dildo with a wet pop. She grabs for Kurt's hand and pulls him down to his knees beside her. "Haven't you always wondered?" she asks, idly stroking her fingers up and down the dildo.

"Yeah," Kurt says, his voice a little hoarse.

"Do you want to try?" Brittany asks him. "You can, San's nice, she doesn't hurt your throat or anything like guys do."

"Not unless you ask, anyway," Santana says, smirking down at Kurt. Kurt gapes a little and Santana rolls her eyes, sliding her hand into the thick hair at the back of Kurt's head. "Come here, I'll show you," she says, and Kurt looks like he wants to protest at her hand in his hair but he leans forward hesitantly anyway, licking over the head of the dildo.

"Real boys are salty," Brittany adds helpfully, her hand stroking down Kurt's back. "But it's not so bad if they're the kind of boys who shower."

"Sometimes it's still hot even if they're not," Santana says, guiding Kurt's head down as he takes the dildo into his mouth. "Every now and then you're in the mood for someone a little dirty."

Kurt pulls off and looks up at her, and Santana doesn't even care that he's judging her because fuck, his _mouth_. She runs her thumb over his bottom lip, humming a little. "You have nice lips," she says, stroking over them. "Speaking of, I've been meaning to ask you what kind of gloss you were wearing last week."

"Oh, that's Clinique," Kurt says distractedly, his eyes still on the dildo where it's shining with spit. "But I think a shade darker would look better on you."

"Great, we can grab some when we go back to the mall," Santana says, guiding his head back down. "Now put your mouth back on my cock."

Kurt leans back in, going a little deeper this time, making the base of the dildo bump against Santana's clit. She groans a little, breathlessly, as Brittany leans back in and starts to lick at the base of the dildo, pressing it in more firmly against Santana.

Santana groans and rocks her hips up when Kurt drops a little deeper, and then Kurt pulls off with a harsh breath. "Is that... can you feel that? Does it feel good, like, for you?

"I can feel the pressure," Santana says as Brittany moves back in and drops her mouth back down around the dildo. "Why, Hummel? You're not gaining a new respect for lady parts, are you?"

"No," Kurt says defensively. "I was just _curious_."

"Just wait until I fuck you," Santana says, tangling her hand in Brittany's hair. "I've got a vibrator in this thing. It's going to do some very nice things for both of us and make you curious in _lots_ of fun new ways."

Kurt rolls his eyes but he leans back down and licks at the side of the dildo, his tongue meeting Brittany's mouth as she drops down. Brittany makes an interested noise and pulls off, licking over the dildo and around to Kurt's mouth, their tongues meeting around the head of the dildo.

"This is _really_ working for me," Santana says, her hips rocking up a little, watching the way their tongues slide over the dildo as it moves.

"I wanna kiss," Brittany says, tugging Kurt's head back and leaning in to kiss him, deep and sloppy. Kurt makes a surprised noise against her mouth but he doesn't pull back, just kisses back hesitantly. Brittany breaks the kiss after a moment, pulling back and grinning at Kurt as he licks his lips nervously.

"You taste like cherries this time," Kurt says curiously. "Your lip balm does, I mean. It's really good."

"Thanks, you taste like plastic," Brittany says, and Santana laughs a little as she reaches down to stroke at the dildo, still wet from their mouths.

"Silicone," Kurt corrects her, his eyes locked onto the motion of Santana's hand.

"No, my name's Brittany," Brittany tells him. "Did sucking dick make you confused? That happened to me once."

"Alright, get up here," Santana says, rolling her eyes and tugging Brittany up onto the bed so she can kiss her. Brittany smiles and Santana lets herself smile back, kissing Brittany softly until she's putting her arms around Santana's shoulders, pressing closer. Brittany makes a soft noise against Santana's lips when they kiss harder and Santana almost doesn't see Kurt moving to stand up out of the corner of her eye.

"Nuh uh, not you," Santana says with a grin, pushing at Kurt's shoulder until he's back on his knees. "We're not done here yet."

"You can't possibly be getting that much out of his," Kurt says, waving his hand at the dildo, and Santana rolls her eyes just as Brittany starts to kiss down the side of her neck.

"You look pretty sucking cock, okay? Embrace it and put that mouth back where it belongs."

"You're a sweet talker, alright," Kurt mumbles, but he's already leaning in to take the dildo back into his mouth. Santana watches his jaw move, his tongue pressing under the head of the dildo when he pulls back, and shit, he really _does_ look pretty. His cheeks are flushed and his hands are warm where they're wrapped around Santana's thighs so he can get a better angle.

"Your skin is very soft," he says, pulling off for breath.

"Your dick is very hard," Santana says as Brittany rests her head on Santana's shoulder and looks down at Kurt. It's true, Kurt's clearly straining against his pants, and Santana grins as Kurt flushes. "What's it like?" she asks him, stroking at his hair. "Is it like what you thought?"

"I don't know," Kurt says, quietly, looking away. "Kind of. It's slippery and it tastes a little weird but I could-- I like the feel. I think I could like it."

"Glad I could help," Santana says, guiding Kurt's mouth back to the dildo even as he glares at her.

"That's so hot, I wish I had a lady penis," Brittany says into Santana's ear, her voice low, and Santana laughs, sharp and loud, as Kurt makes a small noise around the dildo.

"I wish I could feel my lady penis, damn," Santana says as the dildo bumps against her clit. "Can you take it deeper, Kurt?" she asks, her voice purposefully low and rough. Kurt looks up at her just as she cups her hand around the back of his neck, and he pulls off to catch his breath and wipe at the corner of his mouth, nodding.

"Good boy," Santana says, and she's expecting Kurt to say something, or at least roll his eyes, but Kurt just closes his eyes and lets his mouth sink lower over the dildo. Kurt's breathing a little harder than usual, his fingers squeezing at Santana thighs, and Santana remembers earlier, remembers the way Kurt had flushed when she told him about what it was like with real boys.

"You're good at this," she says, stroking at the short hair at the back of his neck. "Most guys, if you don't hold them down, will try to push up into your mouth." Her breath hitches a little as Brittany leans down to kiss at her chest, licking over her nipple. "Which is fine if you're into that, but if you're not you've gotta hold them down."

Kurt mumbles a little around the dildo, and Santana jerks her hips up, grinning when Kurt rolls with the thrust and then settles his hands on her hips. "'Atta boy," she says. "Too bad you can't really taste it, though," she says, grinning when Kurt lets out a low moan around the dildo. "It's like Brit said, it's salty. Kind of heavy. I like it. When they come, it gets all in your mouth and down your throat, and it's all you can taste." She breaks off when Brittany bites at her nipple softly and she tightens her hold on Kurt's hair. "You're gonna be into it, Kurt, I'm pretty sure."

Kurt groans around the dildo and tries to go deeper, and Santana blinks her eyes open when Brittany pulls back and lets out a soft, " _Oh_." Kurt's rubbing at himself through his jeans, his hips rocking forward into the touch, and then he gets up to his knees and tries to drop lower, gagging a little as the dildo hits the back of his throat.

"Fuck, that's hot," Santana gasps, yanking his mouth off of the dildo and tugging him forward by his hair. "Come up here." Kurt's eyes are big and wide, his mouth red and swollen and wet, and Santana's beyond ready to fuck him.

"Now you're supposed to sit on it," Brittany says wisely, leaning over Santana's lap and kissing at Kurt's wet bottom lip.

"Um," Kurt says, his eyes flickering nervously to Santana.

"It's different for boys, Brit," Santana says, kissing her quickly and shooting Kurt a reassuring look. Kurt relaxes visibly, letting himself settle back against the pillows a little.

"Oh," Brittany says, sounding disappointed. "That's sad, I was looking forward to Kurt sitting on it."

"It's okay, baby," Santana says, leaning in and kissing Brittany deep and wet. "Why don't you go get me the lube from your dresser and then I can show you how boys do it, okay?"

"Awesome," Brittany says, laughing when Santana smacks at her ass when she stands up.

Santana sees Kurt's head cock to the side, and he looks a little more interested in the whole spanking thing than Santana had anticipated. "Yeah?" she asks. "You like the spanking? Because we can arrange that."

"No," Kurt says quickly. "No thank you, one mildly humiliating and extremely confusing sexual adventure is enough for today."

"That's a shame," Santana says, smacking her palm to Kurt's face just hard enough for him to feel it and running her thumb over his swollen bottom lip. She lets her nail dig into the tender skin just a little bit, and grins when Kurt makes a low noise. "Some other time, then," she says.

"Lube," Brittany says, practically skipping back over to the bed. "Kurt, it's time to take your clothes off."

"Do I have to?" Kurt asks nervously.

"Yes," Santana says. "Unless you want me to cut a hole in those DKNY jeans and fuck you through it."

Kurt rolls his eyes and starts on his shirt, his fingers trembling a little on the buttons. Santana nudges Brittany forward and she goes easily, taking over for Kurt and unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off of his shoulders. Santana eyes him; Kurt's pale, but it comes off more delicate than pasty, and he's more muscular than Santana had been expecting. Brittany makes short work of his fly, sliding his pants and underwear down all at once.

"Whoa," Brittany says, grabbing Kurt's hands as he tries to drop them down to hide his dick.

"Whoa is right," Santana says, raising an eyebrow. "That's impressive, Hummel. Talk about a loss for our team."

" _What_ team," Kurt snaps, wrestling his hands away from Brittany and crossing them in front of himself.

"Someone's a prickly pear," Santana says.

"Oh please, you don't even know what team you're on," Kurt says.

"Sure I do," Santana says. "I'm on Team Orgasms."

"I'm on Team Santana," Brittany says, hopping over and sitting next to Santana, kissing her on the cheek.

"I know, Brit," Kurt says, but his voice is fond. "Everyone knows."

"Give us a twirl, pretty," Santana says, spreading her legs easily as Brittany runs a hand up her thigh.

Kurt turns around with a minimum amount of fuss, actually dropping his hands, and Santana wants to admire his ass, because _damn_ is that a nice ass, but Kurt's facing her again and Brittany's fingers are sliding under her underwear and she can't stop staring at Kurt's cock. She was honestly not expecting this kind of equipment from Kurt. His cock is long and thick and flushed, definitely one of if not _the_ nicest she's ever seen, and it really is a shame that Kurt has no interest in putting it inside of her, because she would be so, so okay with that.

"Did you know," Brittany says suddenly, "that Santana always gets really wet when she wears her lady penis?"

"I did not," Kurt says. "Nor am I particularly interested."

"Don't be mean," Brittany says. "It's really neat, watch," and then she twists her fingers inside of Santana, making her hips jerk up suddenly, the dildo bobbing kind of absurdly in front of her. "Girls are way more fun than boys, no offense," Brittany says. "There's so much stuff to do."

Kurt nods kind of mindlessly, and Santana's mostly concerned with how Brittany's crooking her fingers up just right, rubbing firm and steady. She's stupidly close to coming when Brittany pulls her fingers out and sucks them into her mouth.

"Fuck, Brit," Santana says, watching Brittany's tongue dart out and lick around her fingers. She sees Kurt nodding from the corner of her eye and grins, grabbing Brittany's wrist and motioning Kurt forward.

Kurt actually comes without complaint, even dropping his mouth open while Santana's still guiding Brittany's fingers to his mouth. "Just for experience's sake," Santana says, staring as Kurt's lips suck at Brittany's fingers. "Wouldn't want you missing out on anything."

Kurt tries to say something, but it mostly comes out sounding like " _mraphagur_ " around Brittany's fingers.

"That tickles," Brittany says, pulling her fingers out and rubbing them over Kurt's bottom lip. "It also tickles in my pants."

Santana laughs, kissing the side of Brittany's mouth before grabbing the back of Kurt's neck and pulling him forward, kissing him deep and dirty so she can taste herself on his tongue. Kurt groans a little, his hips twitching forward, and Santana bites at his lip as she pulls away.

"Have you ever fingered yourself before?" she asks him quietly.

"Um," Kurt says, fidgeting, and Santana rolls her eyes.

"Princess, I'm about to fuck you in the ass," she tells him, patting his cheek. "We're there. I'm not going to judge you."

"A few times," Kurt admits.

"Excellent," Santana says with a grin, pulling him forward and gesturing toward the pillows. "Go on then. We want to watch."

Kurt nods shakily, picking the lube up from the bed and leaning back against the headboard. Brittany's bed isn't huge, but Kurt has his legs pulled up anyway, so when Brittany sits against the footboard and Santana settles back between her legs, they all mostly fit.

"This is awesome," Brittany says as Kurt pours lube on two fingers. Kurt tries to press them down in between his legs with his knees still pulled up to his chest and pressed together, and Santana smacks his thigh, staring at him until he sighs and spreads his legs open.

Santana nods approvingly and tilts her head back on Brittany's shoulder as Brittany starts to stroke at Santana over her underwear, beneath the strap-on. Kurt glances up at them as he eases two fingers inside, his eyes immediately fluttering shut. He looks _good_ like this, flushed and panting with his mouth dropped open, and Santana licks her lips as he scoots forward on the bed so he can lean back into the pillows, tilting his hips up so the angle is better.

"He's so hot," Brittany says wonderingly in Santana's ear as her fingers slide into Santana's underwear and start to stroke over her clit. "I can't wait to watch you with him."

Santana just nods, her eyes fixed on Kurt, watching the way he works his fingers in deeper, dragging them out slowly before pushing back in. Santana gasps as Brittany slides two fingers inside of her, and Kurt's eyes fly open, meeting hers.

"You look good like this, Hummel," Santana says, breathless, and Brittany hums where she's sucking right under Santana's ear, her fingers moving quickly where they're pressed up under Santana's skirt.

"You should go help him," Brittany says, sliding her fingers out. Santana groans pointedly, but it is a pretty good idea. She can see how tight Kurt is just from watching him, taking in how hard he has to press and how tightly he clenches down and clings to his fingers. She scoots forward, settling herself in between Kurt's knees.

"Have you ever..." Kurt asks hesitantly, gesturing between his own legs.

"Oh please," Santana says. "What _haven't_ I done?"

"With who?" Kurt asks, raising an eyebrow as Santana pours some lube in her palm and coats her fingers.

"Oh," Santana says, pulling at Kurt's wrist until he slides his fingers out slowly, "you'd be surprised what guys are up for once you have your mouth on their cock."

"Huh," Kurt says, his breath hitching as Santana slides two wet fingers inside. "Good to know."

"There's so much I can teach you," Santana says, spreading her fingers a little. Kurt's even tighter than he looked, tight and hot and smooth and Santana angles her fingers just right, smiling when Kurt gasps and rocks his hips up. "I kind of like you," Santana says, reaching out with her free hand to stroke at Kurt's cock. "Maybe I'll make you my protégé. Together, we could go places."

"Would those places include the boys' locker room?" Kurt asks. He's going for a joke but it's kind of ruined as Kurt groans and bucks up into her hand as she rubs at his prostate in time with the strokes of her hand.

"Obviously," Santana says, letting go of his cock when she sees the way his thighs are starting to tremble.

"Then I'm in," Kurt says, groaning a little in disappointment and not-so-subtly trying to shift his hips back toward her hand. Santana settles her hand low on his belly, just close enough to the head of his cock to be frustrating. She can't stop staring, though, at her fingers inside of him, the way he's stretched around them, his hips rocking forward against the pressure. Kurt keeps letting out these breathy little whines every time she rubs over his prostate and Santana can't wait to hear what he sounds like when she's actually fucking him, damn.

"I want to play too," Brittany says, crawling up beside her and stroking her hand down Kurt's thigh. "He sounds so pretty."

"I know," Santana says, leaning over and kissing at Brittany's neck as Brittany rubs her fingers around Santana's, pressing where Kurt's stretched around her fingers.

"Come on," Kurt groans, pressing his hips up.

"Don't be impatient," Santana says, smacking at his hip. "Brittany hasn't had a turn yet."

"Yeah," Brittany says, reaching for the lube. She squirts out way too much, dripping it all over the sheets, and Santana's briefly glad they decided on Brittany's house to devirginize Hummel. Brittany presses her finger to Kurt's hole, sliding it in quickly alongside Santana's. Kurt gasps and his hips buck up wildly as he clenches down around their fingers.

"Slow, Brit," Santana says, rubbing her fingers along Brittany's inside of Kurt. "Like this," she says, guiding Brittany into a slow, steady thrust.

"He's so tight," Brittany says in awe.

"I know, right?" Santana says. "He's going to look so good when I fuck him."

" _He_ is right here," Kurt hisses. He looks _wrecked_ , his hair sweaty and flopping over his forehead, his face flushed and his mouth swollen and red, and it makes Santana's stomach twist hotly. Kurt's always so together, so pristine and particular about the way he looks, and Santana is thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to mess him up a little.

"I want to feel more," Brittany says, sliding her middle finger forward to press at Kurt's hole.

"I can't," Kurt gasps, his hips jerking. "I-- I've never used that many."

"Sweetheart," Santana says, petting at his hip. "I'm about to put my dick in your ass. It's a lot bigger than our fingers. Now be nice and stop complaining, and I'll even make Brit use more lube, okay?"

"Oh, right," Brittany says, dragging the fingers of her free hand through the excess lube on the sheets and rubbing it over her middle finger.

"Breathe out," Santana says, wrapping her hand around Kurt's cock and stroking slowly to distract him. It seems to work, because he groans and pushes his hips up as Brittany slides another finger in. Kurt's still _so_ fucking tight but he's taking it well, his hips rocking forward as Brittany starts to move her fingers inside.

"Good boy," Santana says, giving his cock one last stroke before letting go. She ignores Kurt's whine and starts to move her fingers in time with Brittany's, stretching them out a little and working Kurt open. Kurt seems to like the stretch, his hips working with the rhythm of their fingers.

"How's it feel?" Brittany asks curiously, rubbing around his rim with her thumb.

"Good," Kurt gasps. "Full, it's-- it's full, I like feeling full inside." Santana's stomach twists hotly again, because _fuck_. Kurt was _made_ for this.

"Okay," she says, sliding her fingers out and pressing the base of the dildo down against her clit. "Jesus, Hummel, it's time to fuck."

"Yes," Kurt says breathlessly, his hips still rocking forward where Brittany's got her fingers pressed even more deeply inside now. "Yes, please, that's a good idea."

"Come on, Brit-Brit," Santana says, grabbing Brittany's wrist and easing her fingers out. Kurt whines a little when they slide out, his ass clenching down around nothing, and Santana licks her lips, stroking idly at the dildo. "On your back or hands and knees?" Santana asks Kurt, reaching out and running her fingers over the head of Kurt's cock where he's leaking pre-come.

"Hands and knees," Kurt hisses, his hips bucking up. "I've-- I want it that way."

"So you've thought about this, huh?" Santana slaps Kurt's thigh as he gets up on his hands and he shoots her a glare, dropping down to his elbows when Brittany moves over by the pillows, right next to him.

"Not about _this_ , exactly. Oddly enough, my fantasies tend to be about boys, not cheerleaders with strap-ons," Kurt says. Santana rolls her eyes at him, slicking up the dildo with lube before scooting up behind Kurt and letting the head of the dildo rub wetly over his ass. Santana's never had a boy on his hands and knees like this, open and ready to take it, and it sends a hot thrill down her spine. Kurt jerks back, gasping a little, and Santana grabs his hips the same time Brittany reaches down to pet at Kurt's hair.

"Don't worry, Santana will take care of you. She's really good at this part." Brittany stretches up to kiss Santana softly before settling back down in front of Kurt, playing with his hair while Santana grabs the dildo and presses it where Kurt is stretched and open. "You're the softest person I know," Brittany says happily, petting at the hair at the back of Kurt's neck, and Kurt starts to say, "Gee, Brit, thanks--" but then Santana's pushing in, pressing her hips forward until the head of the dildo slips inside. The breathy moan she gets from Kurt when the dildo sinks all the way inside is seriously hot, shit. Santana twists her hips against his ass, trying for just a little bit of friction for herself, but Kurt has already started to press back with her, trying to get the dildo deeper.

"You're kind of a slut for this," Santana says, impressed, and Kurt just groans.

"It's not my fault it-- oh god, Santana, come _on_ ," Kurt gasps, pressing his cheek against Brittany's thigh even as Brittany reaches between her own legs to press the heel of her palm against her clit. Santana isn't sure what she likes looking at more - the way Kurt looks spread open around the dildo, or the way Brittany's touching herself with one hand and stroking Kurt's hair with the other, giving both Santana and Kurt a warm, fond look that makes Santana's stomach flip.

"Slow down, big boy," Santana says, a little surprised how rough her voice comes out. She reaches underneath Kurt to give his cock a few strokes but Kurt hisses, going still in front of her.

"Please, not yet, don't-- it's too much right now," Kurt whines, his voice high and breathy and his cheek still pressed against Brittany's thigh. Santana lets go of his cock, grabbing his hips instead.

"You could always distract yourself by helping Brit out," Santana says. "She really likes fingers."

"You can totally help, Kurt," Brittany says, her voice low. "It's fun."

"I'm a little busy right now," Kurt says, pushing back against the dildo. "Or I would be if you'd _move_."

"I always knew you'd be a pushy little bottom, Hummel," Santana says, smacking his ass just for fun because she hasn't been able to stop thinking about it since earlier. "Luckily, I'm into that," she says, thrusting forward hard and grinning when Kurt groans and spreads his knees farther apart.

"Glad you approve," Kurt says thinly. "Now fuck me."

"Since you asked so nicely," Santana says, grabbing onto Kurt's hips and starting up a rhythm. It's different than it is with Brittany - Brittany likes it slower, likes to rock down onto the dildo and kiss Santana when she comes, so Santana doesn't do much besides rub Brittany's clit for her - but Santana likes snapping her hips forward like this, likes holding Kurt's hips and listening to his moans when she drags the dildo out slowly, pressing back in at an angle that makes his head drop forward. She leans over Kurt's back to press in deeper and twists her hips a little, trying to rub herself against the base of the dildo before giving up and reaching for the vibrator control. Brittany grins up at Santana, using her free hand to pet at Kurt's hair again.

"Wait until you see what her lady penis does, Kurt. It feels awesome."

"I know it feels awesome, what are you--" Kurt cuts off with a loud gasp as the vibrator turns on, buzzing right above Santana's clit. She digs her fingers into Kurt's hips and just rubs forward before she starts to fuck him again, the delicious heat pooling low in her stomach at finally getting some stimulation. She can see where Kurt is clutching at the sheets, his knees sliding even farther apart.

"Oh my god," Kurt groans, pressing back with Santana's thrusts now. "Santana, I can't--"

"Oh yes you can," Santana says, reaching below Kurt to start jerking him off in time with her thrusts. She's more than a little surprised, though, when Kurt shudders and starts to come a few seconds after she gets her hand on his cock.

"Fuck, _fuck_ ," Kurt groans, and Santana likes that word coming from Kurt's mouth, his voice already hoarse as he starts to whine when Santana keeps fucking him. She lets go of his cock, wiping her hand on his hip and grinding her hips forward. She's close, way too close after watching Kurt come, so she doesn't stop fucking him.

"Santana," Kurt whines, tilting his head into Brittany's hand where she's petting his hair. "Please, come on."

"What's that feel like?" Santana gasps out, pressing in deep and grinding forward against the vibrator.

Kurt doesn't answer at first, just whines loud and low in his throat, and Santana pulls back just a little and thrusts back in. " _Fuck_ ," he yelps, his arms going out as he collapses forward against Brittany. "Santana, what do you want-- it's a fucking _lot_."

"You get a little dirty when you get fucked, you know that?" Santana says, grinding back in. She's not actually _heartless_ , but she's also really fucking close and Kurt is really fucking hot like this, and Santana leans over his back, stretching forward until Brittany gets the idea and leans up to kiss her.

Brittany kisses dirty, she always does when Santana's close, and all it takes is Brittany biting down on her lip and sucking at her tongue for Santana to come, moaning into Brittany's mouth and jerking forward into Kurt. She slumps over his back for a second, letting Brittany pet both of them while Santana waits for her thighs to stop twitching.

"That was it, right?" Kurt asks weakly from between them. "I don't know how girl orgasms work."

"We can teach you about that too," Santana rasps out, reaching down shakily to turn off the vibrator and trying not to press in any closer as she gets back up to her knees.

"I'm good, thanks," Kurt says. "Can you get your lady penis out of my ass now?"

"I was _trying_ to be nice," Santana says, gripping Kurt's hips and sliding out all at once.

"Shit," Kurt yelps, his hips jerking back. He's spread open, swollen up and wet, and Santana's a little fascinated. She's just about to reach down and touch where Kurt's clenching down around nothing when he flops over onto his back.

"Spoilsport," she sighs, but Kurt's not paying attention. He's just panting and kind of rubbing his face against one of Brittany's pillows. "So was that everything you dreamed it would be, Hummel?"

"It involved way more lesbian cheerleaders than I dreamed it would," Kurt says, but then he looks up at Santana and his cheeks are flushed, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "But it wasn't terrible."

"Thanks, Kurt, I'm touched," Santana says, smacking his cheek lightly.

"You know what I meant," he says lazily, stretching and wincing a little. "Oww."

"That's the price you pay, slut!" Santana says, and Kurt glares at her and rolls his eyes, but he smiles sleepily at her when she pats at his hip.

Brittany lets out a little whimper from beside them, and when Santana turns to look Brittany is staring at them hotly, her fingers still working under her skirt.

"How are you not naked yet?" Santana asks curiously. "You love being naked."

"I didn't want to scare Kurt with lady parts," Brittany says.

"You're so sweet," Santana grins. "Someone should really reward you for that."

"Not it," Kurt says, turning on his side and blinking his eyes open at them.

"Like you'd even know what to do," Santana says, rolling her eyes and reaching under Brittany's skirt to pull her underwear off. "You keep saying no when I offer to teach you."

"Because I'm not dumb," Kurt says. "If I relent and start touching lady places, all of a sudden I become your big gay booty-call and end up in some kind of weird lesbian cheerleader threesome."

"I don't see what's so bad about that," Santana says, stepping off the side of the bed so she can unhook the strap-on and step out of it.

"I'm _gay_ , Santana," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

"So?" she shrugs. "It's not like you didn't just have a good time. Not to mention you've gotten some truly fabulous sweaters out of this."

"Yes," Kurt says, "make me feel like a whore some more, that will convince me."

"Oh, I don't know." Santana crawls back onto the bed and slides in between Brittany's legs. "I got the feeling you kind of liked feeling like a whore."

"Santana?" Brittany asks, tapping at her shoulder.

"I'm not dignifying that with a response," Kurt huffs.

"San _tana_ ," Brittany says, tugging at Santana's ponytail.

"Don't worry babe, I didn't forget about you," Santana assures her, smiling up at Brittany before dipping her head down to kiss at Brittany's thigh.

"No, but wait," Brittany says. "Remember how you said I could have a turn too?"

"Oh," Santana says. "That's _right_. I did tell you that if we could convince him you could play too."

"I'm still _right here_ ," Kurt snaps, sitting up and staring at them accusingly. "And you're talking about my _ass_ , you can't just pimp me out to everyone."

"It's not everyone," Santana says, rolling her eyes. "It's Brit."

"Please, Kurt?" Brittany asks. "It was really, really hot watching you let Santana be the boy, and I just want to see what it's like to be the boy too."

Kurt sighs, but no one can resist Brittany when her eyes get all big and she asks all sweet. Santana knows this.

"Fine," Kurt says. "But not right this second. I need a minute. And probably a shower. And I wouldn't complain if we changed the sheets."

"You just earned yourself that pair of Michael Kors loafers you were lusting after the other day," Santana says approvingly.

"Could you stop trying to _actually_ make me feel like a prostitute, please?" Kurt asks. "I would really appreciate it."

"Don't feel bad, Kurt," Brittany says, wiggling off the bed and picking up the strap-on. "Sometimes getting stuff for having sex is the best part of sex."

"Oh you poor, dear thing," Kurt says, shooting Santana a concerned look.

"Come here," Santana says, sitting up and reaching around Brittany so she can adjust the straps to fit Brittany's hips. "And be careful with that, don't knock anything over like last time."

"I'm sorry about your lamp," Brittany says quietly, still sounding genuinely sad. "I really liked that lamp."

"I know," Santana says, leaning forward and kissing Brittany's stomach just because it's there. "Now why don't you go ahead and see if you can convince Hummel to skip the shower."

"She can't," Kurt groans. "Guys, seriously."

"It's okay," Brittany says, poking idly at the dildo and smiling as it flops up and down. "Kurt can take a shower if he wants. That's the good thing about lady penises, they don't get soft."

"It is an advantage, I have to say," Kurt says, eying the dildo.

"I still think I'd rather have a real one, though," Brittany says.

"Really?" Santana asks. "Because we've had some pretty good time with your lady business."

"I know," Brittany says. "I love our sweet lady times together, but if I had a boy penis I could pee on _everything_ , all the time."

"Yeah," Kurt says warily, standing up and grimacing a little when he moves. "I'm going to go ahead and take that shower, and when I get back you two should be done with the pee conversation, okay? Pee and sex don't mix."

"Oh _honey_ ," Santana says, smirking. "That's so adorably naive. I really do have _so_ much to teach you."

  



End file.
